The Color of My Perceptions

My view on the world is colored by the experiences I’ve had and the people I’ve come into contact with throughout my life. My view of a situation is completely different than yours because my experience in life has been different than yours. A simple illustration of this would be that Lesley loves egg salad sandwiches but I don’t because a teacher once forced me to eat a warm egg salad sandwich out of the garbage. The causes for the different feelings about the same issues won’t always be as obvious as this example but you get the idea.

One of my colored perceptions is about alcohol. Most people are okay to have a few drinks themselves or are okay with loved ones or spouses having a few drinks. I try to be okay with it but I really am not. My perception of alcohol is colored not only by deeply engrained religious beliefs that drinking is a sin, but also by societal conditioning.

Society at large has put the stamp of approval on alcohol. Everyone does it so it must be okay, right? In my personal experiences being married to an alcoholic for 20 years is that it is not the case. Alcohol destroyed my family (and I don’t even drink). I’ve watched as alcohol has zapped every ounce of joy out of the lives of people I have loved. I’ve had friends and murdered by drunks. I’ve been to otherwise enjoyable events only to have them spoiled by alcohol.

I can be happy as a clam, having a great time, reveling in joy and when alcohol is brought into the mix it’s ruined for me, the party is over. (Remember, you don’t have to agree here, and most won’t. This is my perception.)

My husband raped me, twice in one evening, while hopped up on a combination of alcohol and cocaine. To this day I can’t stand to make love to someone who has alcohol on their breath.

I’m not sure if in my brain I thinks I am going to have a living room full of passed out drunks after the Super Bowl party or what, but as soon as someone breaks out the alcohol, a dark cloud settles over my mood and I find myself looking for methods of extracting myself from their midst. In turn, other people’s perceptions of me are colored by their life experiences and the things they were taught as children.

For instance, most people were taught that marijuana is bad, myself included. In fact, smoking is a sin because our bodies are the temple of God and we are not supposed to desecrate the temple. However, during my youth I actually tried marijuana for myself and I knew that everything I’d been taught about it was a lie. First off, God’s not against it, He created it! Not only did I debunk the idea that God was somehow frowning disapproval at me for becoming a medical marijuana patient last year; through my study of the bible I made peace with God about it. Yes, He would rather I use a vaporizer but until I get one, He is okay with my choosing to use marijuana rather than run the risk of addiction to pain pills (which, by-the-way, were not created by Him).

I’ve been taking part in online dating and as you might suspect, 98% are repelled by the revelation that I’m a medical marijuana patient, even though it says on their profile that they drink “often>more than three times a week.” That is the pot calling the kettle black.

I’ve never been to a party that ended badly because of weed. I’ve never seen a marriage torn apart because of it either. For me, there are no evil connotations associated with marijuana use like there are with alcohol consumption. No dark cloud rolls over the room when someone brings out a joint. (Pot clouds are white.)

I guess the trick is to try and find a mate who sees the same perceptive colors that I do. I don’t know how to be honestly comfortable with my man drinking anymore than I know how to make someone that isn’t, comfortable with my medical marijuana use. What color is your perception?

Marijuana has given me my life back. I can sleep straight through the night now. I am able to cope with the pain of Spinal Osteoarthritis and chronic back pain without the heavy use of narcotics. I can function in society and hold down a full-time job. I am much better able to cope with my depression and anxiety.

The color of my perception is GREEN in this instance, but this is only one perception about one topic and there are many more to come.