Humpty Dumpette

Throughout the posts so far in this blog, I’ve been fairly hard on myself. I’ve laid out my faults that other people point out in me and tried to see things through their eyes and explore what that all means. Now let me tell you how I view myself, the things I think I have to offer the world and the things people most often misunderstand about me. I’ll fit the pieces of me back together so you can see what this Humpty Dumpette really looks like.

My Ex husband used to say to me, “You hate everyone.” The truth about that statement is that I detest drunks and most all the people he knew were drunks, so it probably seemed that way to him. And I don’t hate anyone, but I don’t have to associate with everyone who crosses my path either. I’m choosy about the company I keep. I don’t need a house full of loud, boisterous people to make me feel important.

One of these I’ve already gone over, my temper. People have said to me, “You get so angry.” Yes, I do, in short micro-bursts that last from 1-5 minutes. That’s how I cope. There is no slow building to eruption. I don’t store poison gas and save it up for major drama later on. I blow my steam regularly. That’s the way I deal with things. It’s a bit unsettling for some people but I have quite a few tips for those interested in learning how to live with this part of my personality. 

I guess you only really hear from people when they have something to complain about. I guess they forget the compassion I’ve shown when taking in homeless people into my home? I guess they missed the two years I volunteered at the food bank and talked to the clients there as though they were my best friends because there was a chance I may be the only one to treat them with dignity that day. Obviously I don’t hate people and there are plenty of times I’m not at all mad.

I’m outgoing. I can hold a conversation with just about anyone. I’m not intimidated by people of a higher social standing than myself (if I were I’d likely talk to no one). I enjoy learning new things so I love talking to people who live outside my own reality.

Perhaps I don’t look like a scholar… I’m not really, but I have above average intelligence. People would be mistaken to write me off as inconsequential. I am very observant and pick up on the little secrets people are keeping. I may even do some investigating to see if you’re yanking my chain. If you have a problem with that, don’t be pulling wool over my eyes. (I know what that means, intellectually, but what does it MEAN practically?) Anyway, I’m not as dumb as I look so don’t fuck with me.

My youngest son asked me the other day if a long time ago I’d told him I’d picked up dog poo and took it to the offending dog owner’s home… no, I didn’t… although, if the circumstances were just right, it does sound like something I might have done. I’m not afraid of confrontation if I feel it’s warranted.

I have a pretty good education for someone who has very little formal schooling. I dropped out of high school when I was 15 and was married when I was barely 17. (Mum figured it was better to let us get married before we had premarital sex. Hummm, which is worse, premarital sex or divorce?) I did go back to school when I was 19 and get my GED as part of the requirements to get into the Navy. But then 2 weeks before my physical I went out shooting guns (something I really enjoy) and damaged my hearing for good. Over the years I’ve taken all kinds of classes, a disjointed eclectic group of subjects. I even went to a real community college and made the Dean’s List.  Who would have thunk it? Hehe

Starting in 1991 I began teaching myself how to use a computer. Back then I had a 1200 baud, dial-up modem and was thrilled to have it. It was one of my most valued tools. I learned DOS because Windows based programs weren’t common like they are now. I still needed to occasionally edit my config.sys and .bat files. My brain was like a sponge in the first few years. One trip to the computer repair shop was enough to tell me that if I wanted to keep using a computer, I also needed to learn how to fix one. I’ve always been good with electronics so I dove right in like I do with most things. The first thing I ever did on my own that was a really big deal to me then was install a sound card… I say big deal because I was terrified I would mess something up in there. I laugh at that now though.

I’ve learned a lot of things by DOING. I’m a hands-on kind of gal.

Here’s some of the jobs I’ve had in my lifetime:

* Dishwasher
* Waitress
* Lumber Mill Worker
* Psychiatric Aid
* Maid
* Human Resource Aid
* Wife/Mother
* Nurses Aid
* In Home Care Aid
* Freelance/Staff Writer
* Photographer
* Editor
* Public Speaker (didn’t dig this one too much)
* Managing Editor
* Video Monitor
* Intake Interviewer
* Page Editor
* Customer Care Agent
* Technical Writer

Each one of these occupations required learning new skills and I’ve been able to learn whatever was required of me with relative ease. I suppose acquiring the skills necessary to become a writer/editor were the hardest given my lack of formal education but I am very proud of how far I’ve come.

Many of my hobbies have required further expansion of my brain cells. Some of my hobbies have turned into ways to make a living, but so far I’m not rich.

* Wilderness Survival
* Photography (you had to use film and know how to use a darkroom)
* Writing
* Mushroom Hunting
* Herbal Medicine (wild and domestic)
* Building Things
* Gardening (Spent countless hours studying plants)
* Model Rocket Building/Firing
* Muscle Cars
* Welding
* Landscaping
* Pond Building
* Sustainable Living
* Log Cabin Building
* Interior Design
* Making Scented Products (soap, incense, face cream, lip balm, etc.)
* Growing Top Quality Bud (relatively new interest)

Okay, so you get now that I’m no slouch in the IQ department.

One fault I recognize in myself (and this one may need a blog entry of its own someday) is that I’m too forgiving. I give people the benefit of the doubt for far too long; especially if I love that person. I wish I could say, “Ah, Nah, Fuck that,” and just cut people out of my life like other people do. But I’m an eternal optimist when it comes to wanting to believe that people will do the right thing. Funny how often they don’t though. I never seem to learn. But Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek, even when we know it’s not going to turn out any better. We’re not supposed to give up on people, just like God doesn’t give up on us. However, I need to learn to tell the difference between second chances and taking advantage of my kindness.

I know this entry is a bit long and disjointed and never really did get all the pieces of me in here… but it’s getting too long. I’m sure I’ll be touching on this more in the future because there are a lot of pieces to this Humpty Dumpette.