One Word for Me -- INTENSE

“You always get so mad!” Yes, I have an explosive temper… Micro bursts which last a few minutes, one to three times a week. Since this is the complaint I get most often from family members, this trait needs to be studied.

There are certain circumstances which are guaranteed to set me off. (Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter, it just is. This is me, raw and uncut.) One of these is getting stuck behind someone going slow in the fast lane on the way home from work. There is just about no excuse for blocking that lane anyway (read your manual bone-head), but the person who blocks me on purpose and then mocks me in their mirrors…they are the worst. The level of my anger and the length of time I rant is directly proportional to how many miles I’m trapped behind them.

The maddest I’ve ever been was from one such incident. I was stuck behind her for 11 miles. I’d gotten on the highway and got right behind her. She kept me pinned behind her for about 2 miles when she finally moved over and let me by. I’m driving along with the flow of traffic when all of a sudden I see her come flying up in the slow lane and she zoomed in front of me cutting me off. I had to hit the brakes. She was one of the mirror mocker types too. Giving me the, hum-hum-hum” look that says, “I’m so pleased with myself for pissing you off for no reason.” She continued to make certain there was no way for me to pass her all the way home. She would get next to a car in the slow lane and then slow down to the same speed. There was a line of pissed off people behind me too.

The woman lives in my neighborhood I found out when we both stopped at the same row of mailboxes. She weighs at least 400 pounds and probably couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag. What’s more, there is a big number 4 sticker on the back of her car. Not smart to go out of your way to make someone angry if they are gonna know where you live. I refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing she’d gotten to me but that explosive rant lasted a good half hour after I got home and truth be told, I’m still pissed off about it. If I were someone with less self restraint, she would be dead right now. What if I wasn’t the type who explodes to release steam periodically and had pent-up anger issues? She might have been a nightmare for some paramedics and I would be in jail.

I know this about myself though so I know I’ll never kill anyone in anger. I have never hit anyone either. I just get angry and yell.

Another thing that will set me off is someone not doing their part. Everyone has responsibilities and when someone doesn’t do their share, someone else has to pick up the slack, namely me, and that cuts into my personal time. This one takes a while to build to an explosive level and the offenders get plenty of warnings before I blow. But eventually it will happen and those who have lived through one on my tongue lashings will tell you I am among the best tongue lashers out there. When I’m finished, you know you’ve been yelled at.

The only other thing that makes me explode is when things don’t work right. You know, like when the egg shells won’t come off a hard-boiled egg when I’m being very careful. Sometimes the eggs end up squished. Likewise I also come uncorked when my pie crust sticks to my rolling pin. I do recognize my shortcomings and plan around them.

Having someone else peel the eggs and make the pie crust helps if there is someone around to do these things for me, but it isn’t always possible. Other tedious jobs may make this explosive list also. So really, if I could get through life without having to drive and I didn’t ever have to depend on anyone for anything other than peeling eggs and making pie crust, I would never explode.

My mother used to call it the “Cooper Curse.” I call it “Black Rage.” It’s all the same thing though, an explosive temper. Back as far as at least my great grandmother, all the women on my mother’s side of the family have had it.

The quickest way to calm me is to agree that it’s terrible what’s upsetting me, and hand me a loaded pipe. I’ll be right as rain in no time.

The funny thing about anger is that it always appears when you don’t want it to and can’t be summoned for help when you need it, like to get you over a broken heart. It would be much easier to be angry than it is to feel helpless.

I am an intense person. I throw my all into everything I do. If I’m interested in a new hobby I get into it in a big way. If I want to learn about a new topic I read everything I can get my hands on. If I love I love with wild abandon. And when I get angry, sometimes I explode. I am intense and I make no apologies to anyone for being myself.