OK, so remember Mr. brief-but-extremely-stimulating-relationship? He’s still hanging around. Unfortunately the banter feels strained now, at least on my end. The trust is broken for me and I don’t feel free to be open and loving like I want to be. I don’t understand the hesitation on his part. I do know the pain from his wife’s death has got to still be pretty raw. A year is not a long time in the grieving process. When my husband left me it took 5 years until I knew I wasn’t in love with him anymore. But Mr. brief-but-extremely-stimulating-relationship’s wife died so he’s always going to love her. How do I let him know that’s okay and perfectly NORMAL? So long as I’m not being compared to her or expected to live as she did, have the same opinions, etc., it is okay. I need to be myself, with all my charms, mysteries and flaws; just as she was.
Okay, I don’t know what’s gonna happen here, just gonna play it by ear and see what happens (at my son’s urging, **I** was ready to end it today). I have many more questions than answers. If it’s just loving comfort he needs, I’m good at that too, damn it!
To be continued, or not… (written yesterday)
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