What I’ve Learned About Myself So Far

I’m attracted to emotionally unavailable men and need to avoid them like the plague. Goodbye Mr. brief-but-extremely-stimulating-relationship. There were too many red flags and too little explanation. “There You Go” – Pink.

Sometimes second chances are chapter reviews which we fail miserably. Unfortunately, we are supposed to turn the other cheek. But once you’ve slapped both my cheeks, you better start runnin’ bitch ‘cause I’m swingin’ back!

Thank God I enjoy my own company. It’s true I hate not being part of a couple. But I am good company. No arguing about anything. There is no drama and my lover knows just what to do. Bahahahaha More smoke for me and I can go do what I want when I want. Woot!

I like me better walking. I enjoy life more, feel better about me, am far less depressed and feel like I’m living life to the fullest when I’m walking every day (or nearly every day). I am out and about taking pictures, something I live for.

Friendships are valuable if both people value it. I’ve learned in my life that friendships come and go. It’s sad when you find you’re no longer on the same page. When friendships start to suck the life out of me, I end them. Ending a long friendship this week, it’s painful but necessary.

The only thing holding me back is me. I need to focus on doing what I want now; I’m “using the good stuff,” as Oprah would say. I’m using all the stuff I’ve had put away for special since my kids were small. No regrets.

I’m a compassionate, giving, loving person in spite of what my kids think. I’m not living my life to win approval of my family members anymore. I am on track with God and that’s all that is important. I only need the approval of the One.

I have stopped expecting perfection but I haven’t given up striving for it. I have some an ideal of what I want in my life. It is unlikely that I will ever obtain all the items on my list (the log house, man in flannel and jeans, two dogs on the front porch) but I will strive to have them.

Life is intense, so am I. Not everyone can handle someone like me. I need a strong man who knows when to step in and save me from myself and when to butt out. Some who can diffuse me but who has intense levels of passion for the things he loves as well.

I have a split personality. I take personality traits that I admire in people and adopt them as my own. I can hear the voices of the original owners as I’m saying their words. I step inside their bodies and feel like them when I mimic their gestures. Do you see you in me?

If you play with fire, you’re gonna get burned. I’ve learned I’m still HOT. There is still fuel in this old furnace and if you make a spark you’re gonna get a fire. If you can’t handle heat, put the matches back in your pocket.