Gratitude

All I can say right now is that I am very grateful for the friends I have. I don’t know where I would be without their help and support.

One of my closest friends from my hometown called shortly after I told my son, who lives with me, about the rape. It was so good to hear comforting words from someone I know cares about me.

No one really knows what to say… neither do I.

I received a text message from my friend from Twitter. That was really thoughtful. It was a nice way to wake up. You know who you are and I love you like a sister.

I really can’t explain it but after the rape I just wanted to go someplace safe where I had been happy. There was only one place like that for me; in the arms of Mr. brief-but-extremely-stimulating-relationship. I just needed to feel some normalcy. It took me till this morning to find his phone number but I sent him a text message and he called me right away. Then he came to my house and spent the day with me, just holding me and spooning and napping. I was finally able to relax just a bit. His visit today was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. He may not be ready for a relationship with me but I couldn’t ask for a better friend. He is a wonderful man and I will always love him for his kindness to me when I needed him the most.

Right now I just feel empty and broken. I want to feel whole again but I believe I’m on a very long and winding road to meet that end. I wasn’t quite whole before this happened; now I’m way off track. My mind is slow to react, and it takes me a while to find the words I want to speak. I feel like I may never laugh or smile easily again.

I’m grateful that I came out of this experience only broken and not dead. He easily could have killed me. I wish I could sleep but when I close my eyes, there is that devil’s evil face ordering me to call him master. I would die first.