Love is like Ketchup

My mother had a ditty she used to say from the early days of television; “Shake, shake the ketchup bottle, none will come and then a lot’ll.” It was from an old commercial, pre “Anticipation is making me wait” days. The commercial depicted someone shaking and shaking the ketchup bottle but nothing coming out for the longest time.

That saying is kind of fits what’s going on in my online dating life too. I’ve been checking guys out online for a few years now but haven’t really come across any guys I’ve wanted to date, or maybe I wanted to them and they didn’t want to date me? Whatever it was, nothing ever happened with any of the men, just a lot of dead ends.

The first “date” I had after my divorce, turned into a friendship that I still maintain today. There were a few men that I met with once but there were no sparks. Other than Mr. brief-but-extremely-stimulating-relationship, there hasn’t even been any kissing going on. (sigh)

In the last two days though, I put up a new profile and now I have five guys talking to me and all wanting to meet at once. Gah! I’ve never had this problem before. I feel like I’m on one of those freakin’ reality shows where all the guys are vying for my attention. “Hummm, who should I give the rose to,” or whatever. There are three strong contenders and two weak possibilities. They are all so very different yet I like them all for different reasons. But do any of them want to fall in love like I do?

I’m not in a hurry or anything but I don’t want to waste time with guys who aren’t on the same page. If they are looking for a one-night-stand, they are not likely to get it from me, however tempting it can be sometimes. (Mum raised me better than that. I mean if you let them open the big gift now, what will they open on Christmas?) I need a level of trust. I need to know a man cares about getting to know who I really am, what makes me tick, the hurts I’ve suffered and doesn’t want to add to them. Of course that goes both ways.

I did an online personality test this morning and the assessment of me was really quite accurate. Here is what it said:

“Your type is known as the teacher, or the educating mentor. You also belong to the larger group, called idealists. You tend to bring out the best in other people. You lead without seeming to do so. People are naturally drawn to you. You expect the very best from people which takes the form of enthusiastic encouragement which is so charming that people try their best not to disappoint you. You share your personality type with 3% of the population.

“You need to feel a deep and meaningful connection to your romantic partners, and go to great lengths to understand and please your mate. Harmony is vitally important to you, and you often put others' needs before your own. You have a pretty thin skin and are easily hurt. Although you strive for harmony, when your values or ethics are violated, you can be very emotional, confrontational, and even punishing. However, you are very insightful about the underlying cause of conflicts, and an excellent communicator, so you have the tools to bring about a quick and peaceful resolution as long as you can keep control of your facilities. You want to be appreciated for your thoughtfulness and compassion. You need your partner to make a real effort to get to know you. Above all, you need to be able to express your feelings and have them taken seriously.”

Compared to other takers
• 93/100 You scored 91% on I to E, higher than 93% of your peers.
• 14/100 You scored 21% on N to S, higher than 14% of your peers.
• 10/100 You scored 14% on F to T, higher than 10% of your peers.
• 55/100 You scored 47% on J to P, higher than 55% of your peers.

I could have saved myself a lot of writing in this blog if I’d just taken this test sooner. It tells me all the same stuff.

I’m not quite sure if it’s a good thing or not, sharing my personality type with only 3% of the population. Does that mean only 3 out of a hundred men are gonna be in the ball-park of the kind of guy I’m looking for? So, if I meet these five guys I’ll be up to 12 of the 97 guys I have to go out with before I find Mr. Right or even Mr. He’ll-do. But hey, if I can keep up, I could be to the end of the line in only a few weeks. I’ll be run ragged by then!

It’s 2009! I thought we were supposed to have flying cars by now and shouldn’t there be a replicator so I can just punch in my recipe for a great guy and he comes sliding down a shoot wearing a silver, Space-Speedo just like on the Jetsons?

When I was in the 8th grade, we were asked to write down things we thought would be different in the world in the year 2000. I mentioned flying cars but no one suggested there would be computers and that we would be using them to find dates. The closest thing were the “video phones” which never really flew, unless you are into web-camming with your friends. The technology is there but it’s sometimes more comfortable to be invisible when you’re at home in your comfortable clothes.

I've recently been told, "You're not a very good breaker upper!!!!!!" And I have a whole lotta more toads to wade through yet. Frog legs anyone? Get out the ketchup!