Friday, September 18, 2009

Rebooting My Life

The fallout from love is heartbreak. If you love, you’re gonna get your heart broken; that’s all there is to it. The only successful relationship is the one you’re in right now because it’s the only one that hasn’t ended, yet. Why then have I spent my whole life chasing something as disposable as love? And why is love so unimportant to other people?

I believe some people turn off their ability to love as a means of self-preservation. Maybe they have been hurt or betrayed? Haven’t we all? But perhaps some are better equipped to regroup than others?

Love is the ultimate gift to give and to receive, in my opinion.

I have a friend, “Gary,” who lost an enormous amount of weight and he’s looking very nice. There were pictures of him on Facebook. Someone commented on his new look and said she would bet that if he were single, girls would be flocking all around. His reply was that he had women before he got married but that he is so in love with his wife he can’t stand it. How wonderful that would be to hear; to say. I want that kind of love; totally into each other in every way.

The rape has taken away my means of meeting a new love because I am no longer using dating sites to find someone. Obviously that’s not safe. I am practicing getting used to the idea of spending the rest of my life alone. I’m hoping to develop new coping skills which will replace the need for romantic love in my life. I lived without it in my 20 year marriage; lived without sex most of that time too. Once that switch is flipped off again, I believe my life will be a lot less stressful and definitely less frustrating.

If love is meant to be, it won’t matter if I’ve turned off my emotional side; it will find me anyway. In the meantime, I’m powering off and rebooting on a new network that doesn’t include a male counterpart.

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