Trolling for Men

I was out trolling for men on one of the single’s web sites (don’t know how else I’ll ever meet anyone), and I ran across a profile that was so well written I couldn’t help but fall for his writing. Here’s some of what he said:

“As you lay at night with your silent tears, you are not alone because I know you are out there somewhere. Somehow, some way, we are going to come together. That is what I hope for. Don't worry, I will be there soon; just hold on one more day. Where are you? Are you home all the time rarely to come out? How am I to meet you I wonder? Do you take the bus? I’m never on the bus; how am I to get to you?

“These are thoughts I have; trying to figure where are you? I know you are out there somewhere; (hidden) like a rare jewel. When it’s dark at night, keep your light on for me in your heart, because no matter what fate keeps me away from you, I will find you. Just hold on. Whatever happens stay alive because I will never stop searching for you for as long as I have breath. I know that you are calling out to me. As you lay there tonight and wonder; (is it him?); rest assured it is me.

“I know what it’s like, as you lay, or sit, asking yourself did I make the right decision as you are in this deep dark world of loneliness that you have created because of circumstances. That feeling of disconnection (and) uncertainty. You have built this facade of strength but inside your missing something. Yearning for him, the one you hope to find. But in this busy world you feel that it’s almost imposable to meet someone with any quality characteristics or a desirable demeanor. But yet in this cesspool called the net, here we are, having a meeting of the minds. I know I have touched not just your spirit but your mind and heart.”

Trust me, I’ve read a LOT of profiles and this is the kind of connection I want to have with someone. This guy is someone who appreciates a good woman. The rest of his profile was a list of 150 reasons to date a guy like him. It had me in stitches most of the time. I totally loved his sense of humor; he even had a mustache. I wondered why I’d never seen this man in any of my searches before. I realized why later, because I only have “Caucasian” checked on my possible matches and this man is Hispanic. Why? Not for any particular reason other than I don’t speak any other languages and I’m probably getting too old to tackle one now… My daughter is married to a Hispanic man from El Salvador. She gets by nicely, she’s learned Spanish and their son is bi-lingual. But she’s young; they have years together; I don’t want to fight through a language barrier to try and see if there is a relationship hiding there.

How many other possible love matches may have been overlooked due to a misplaced check-mark? Ironic how little it takes to miss that connection, the one that just changed your life forever and you didn’t even know it. Why then do some allow a beautiful love to slip through their fingers when it’s staring them full in the face?

When I’m trolling for men, I’m flipping through the pictures looking for a face I could stand to wake up next to for the next 30 or 40 years. For me, that face most certainly includes a mustache, but possibly a goatee as well. I am not attracted to completely hairless faces except on very rare occasions. (Michael Jorden? Oh yeah, with those twinkling eyes who’s looking for a mustache?) I’m looking for the smile that will make me forgive him for missing my birthday. How many chances for happiness did I miss because I wrote them off as just another hairless face? On these dating web sites, I’m making hundreds of snap judgments, something I despise when men do it. (I suck too.) So what I’ve learned from my trolling is that you have to look good right off the bat, put your best photo out there.

Once I find a nice face (and it isn’t hugging a dead fish carcass), I start reading his profile. I first look for smoking/drinking habits in common because these are both critical issues with me. A) being in constant contact with cigarette smoke for more than an hour and I’m climbing the wall wanting a cigarette even though I haven’t smoked in 10 years. B) I’m still trying to accept that there are supposedly people in the world who drink but are not (nor will they become) alcoholics. But the thing with that is, I’m a medical marijuana user and many people see that as being much worse, being outside the law and all. I am as INSIDE the law as I can be, as the laws are now. I comply with Washington State regulations regarding this substance and I use it responsibly. That’s all I can ask with regard to alcohol consumption as well I suspect. So how many wonderful guys have I rejected just because it says he is a social drinker. I guess it just depends on how much socializing he does. This, unfortunately, you can’t change about another person. So if a guy drinks on two of the first three dates (or ends dates early to go unwind and have a drink), the odds are against him getting a 4th date.

The next requirement I had in my little black book (the online version, I’m a computer nerd grandma), was that I wanted him to be taller than my ex husband. He was a good fit for me height wise but taller would be even better maybe. Did I miss my perfect match because he was an inch too short?

Next I look at religious preference. Some religions are like oil and water so I try to stick to someone who believes in the trinity at least. Should I be so concerned? It’s not like we are going to have kids together at my age. But I don’t want to argue about religion and I know I’m not changing my faith. Is this something that can be worked around? Should it be? How many matches did I miss there?

In the overall scheme of things though, I’m not overly critical if you make it through the flip-book face test.

I don’t mind a pot belly on a man (within reason, no heart attack about to happen types though).

I don’t mind that you can’t lift a car off your cousin Mickey anymore, so long as you still know how to hold hands and make out like you’re in high school (on occasion at least).

I don’t care if you have a million dollars or you’re a million dollars in debt so long as I know you love me.

Maybe I’ve missed all the chances I’m ever going to get at happiness, I really don’t know. I’m sure there must be a quota somewhere on the books but no one’s ever said what it is. I just know that, “I am exactly where God wants me at this moment.” I know that God wants me to be happy (He wants all His children to be happy), and that when the time is right, NOTHING will stand in the way.

Pick your battles; don’t sweat the small stuff; overlook the unimportant and embrace like it will be your last embrace.